It took me a moment to realize she left without paying. But there
was no use, no one would come to help. WorldMart would go on without a few
beauty products. The shelves would stay stocked, the fluorescent lights would
continue to gleam their unnatural glow, and I would live.
I hang a left, a
right, and walk straight back to Home Entertainment. I grab the remote
concealed behind the electronics and turn off House of the Dead Two. Like
domino's, each tv screen goes black, one after another, after another. I stare
at my reflection. A grey hollow complexion appears on the black screen.
Why did Janine say
yes?
Am I beautiful?
Am I alive?
With a spark the
fluorescent lights begin to flicker into intermittent darkness. I make my way to
the front doors weaving in and out of aisles. Pass Housewares. Toiletries.
Firearms. Home and Bath. With a whoosh of the automatic doors. I exit. Falling
into silence, darkness, and bliss.
Analysis:
As a whole, I
really enjoyed Charles Yu’s short story “First Person Shooter”. A big part of
what made the story enticing was his writing style. It was conversational and
scattered all whilst drawing the reader in. I tried to convey some of his style
in my alternative ending. Jumping from mere thoughts to motion in the store.
However, in the end
I was longing for more reflection and humanity from the characters,
specifically the narrator. In this alternative ending I wanted to incorporate
the change in the narrator’s personality from his encounter with the Pretty
Zombie Lady. I wanted the narrator to see himself more than just a worker at
WorldMart. I did this by adding more direct thoughts into the reading. Charles
Yu did this with the sentence “Whatever flicker of awareness I might have seen
behind her eyes a moment ago isn’t there anymore”. Rather, I added personal
reflection of the narrator’s character.
I wouldn’t have
been able to do this without conveying the repetition and tediousness of a
workday at WorldMart. Incorporating key details of the story such as aisle
names helped relate this ending to Charles Yu’s original. In addition, giving a
first-person view to navigating the store made the ending more interesting.
Charles Yu used this tactic in the short story. Rather than saying I went to
Home and Bath he would explain the journey the character took to get there.
This could be in the form of thoughts or the turns taken to reach the specific
neighborhood of WorldMart.
Overall, my ending
is simply an alternative. Yu’s conveys the safety and comfort the characters
feel for WorldMart. My ending focuses on the repetition and the aspect of wanting
more. Each seek a different meaning that are equally impactful.
Not only did I find your alternate ending rather enticing, but the analysis of it really conveyed what you were hoping to accomplish. It does feel similar to the rest of the story, but I also enjoyed how you put the first person into it. Actually describing some of the physical characteristics of the narrator was well done and you could see how the event changed the way the narrator viewed himself and the world. I really enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your ending. The extreme self-awareness of the narrator you incorporate fits the rest of story well. It adds to his personality as the story ends, something I also found lacking as I was reading.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your alternate ending. It continued the conservational writing tone, easily blending into the rest of the story, while providing more personality. By saying stuff like "Housewares. Toiletries. Firearms. Home and Bath", you were able to make it sound like the actual author wrote it. I liked how you added more reflection of the first person narrator.
ReplyDeleteI can tell you really worked hard to write in the style of Charles Yu in this alternate ending, and I really appreciate that it doesn't give a conclusive ending, just like in the original story. I think ending it in a different tone brings different kinds of thoughts about what happens after the abrupt ending of the story and you did that really well. I like that your ending makes the narrator feel a little bit more like a real person with real feelings, which makes the ending of the story feel more like a beginning for something new in his life.
ReplyDeleteThis ending is fitting, and I appreciate your attention to detail. My one criticism of Yu's story was that it was too short and left a lot of loose ends, so I think you did a good job wrapping some of those up and adding a reflective element. The overt comparison of retail workers as mindless zombies was more hinted at in the story, so I appreciate that you fleshed it out.
ReplyDeleteI really like this ending, as it lends itself to show more reflection (as you say) in the narrator. In the original story, it's clear that the narrator does some reflecting after meeting the zombie woman when he says something about maybe being partway to being dead himself, but this ending that you give shows him more reflecting on his humanity and the joy of life. Which in general, I think is pretty nice and a good thing to keep in mind.
ReplyDelete